


What's in a name?

by Catsura



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate universe - Mafia, Attempt at Humor, Established Relationship, M/M, Protective Corpse Husband (Video Blogging RPF), Slightly crackish as a result of my overworked mind, no beta we die
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-26
Updated: 2021-01-26
Packaged: 2021-03-18 16:41:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,539
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28995405
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Catsura/pseuds/Catsura
Summary: Sykkuno just wants to get his daily visit from Corpse, finish his working hours and close up the cafe. Too bad fate had other plans (it all works out in the end).Alternatively, because I'm bad at summaries: Sykkuno gets mistaken for a mafia boss, he really isn't he swears
Relationships: Corpse Husband/Sykkuno (Video Blogging RPF)
Comments: 18
Kudos: 469





	What's in a name?

**Author's Note:**

> posted before i lose my barely existent nerve.

The last rays of sunset glistened through the windows as Sykkuno snuck another glance at the clock on the wall, _6:15_. He sighed, mentally exhausted from today’s gruelling waves of customer that flooded through the doors of his cramped but cosy café.

His employee and fellow coffee connoisseur – Jack – was behind him, energetically babbling about this new game he discovered. Sykkuno half-heartedly nodded along, only understanding a small number of phrases as Jack’s accent seemed to enunciate every word with a thick Irish accent, something he does when excited.

Internally though, Sykkuno was counting down every second of the fifteen minutes until Corpse would make his entrance to get his nightly dose of caffeine. A small frown creased his face, it was a habit that Corpse needed to wane off of, one Sykkuno would bring up if he didn’t look forward to the nightly visits from the man.

A jingle from the bell on the front door shook his from his daydreaming as he straightened up, ready to show good hospitality to his costumer.

Upon closer inspection, the man wore a slightly rumpled suit and emitted an uneasy aura around himself. _Oh well, it’s not_ that _strange to see a man dressed like a lacky in some B-movie appear near closing time in the streets of LA._ Sykkuno however, wasn’t one to pry and merely gave a bright smile before asking, “what would you like to order sir?”

The man glanced at the menu for a split second before he replied, “an iced mochaccino, 5 shot, venti, with breve, 2 pump vanilla, 4 pump caramel, 4 Splenda, poured, not shaken.”

That was… certainly an order, “that’ll be $7.80 sir, and erm, could I get a name for that order?” Not that he needed it seeing as this was one of the only two customers there (the other being what looks like a sleep-deprived college student furiously tapping away on their laptop, surrounded by empty mugs of pure expresso).

“Inveni”

 _Strange_ , but then again, he’s heard weirder.

“Keep the change,” the man said as he slipped Sykkuno the cash. He could feel a piece of paper beneath the bill and maneuvered it to slide into his pocket (which seemed a little bit pointless if he thought about it, it’s not like Jack, who’s in the back kitchen and the student, who looks like they’re on the verge of collapsing and/or death would notice).  
The man shuffled to the left and pulled out his phone to no doubt do shady business while waiting for his order.

As the steam from the coffee machine started to rise, Sykkuno surreptitiously took a skim of the note. _We have matters to discuss, meet us behind the alley after handing the coffee. Boss would like to speak to you._

Sykkuno pursed his lips in contemplation, no matter how much of a bad mafia cliché this sounded like, he had to go lest the charge into his café guns-a-blazing. They can settle this like the adults they are, hopefully.

A few laborious minutes later, the coffee was ready and Sykkuno brought it to the man, “here’s your coffee sir, order completely understood.”

The goon nodded and left the shop, Sykkuno’s eyes following his murky moonlit form take a sharp turn to the alley through the window.

He resigned himself to his fate and went to find Jack, “make sure to close up correctly this time okay? I don’t want to come back to a ransacked shop with some sacrificial animal nailed to the counter.

Jack simply waved him off, “Yea, yea, Sykkunie. Have some faith in me won’t ya? It won’t happen again I promise. Where’re ya heading off to so early anyway? Dark, deep and handsome hasn’t arrived yet”.

A red flush overtook Sykkuno’s face as his eyes darted around looking anywhere but at Jack, “Wha- don’t say it like that! I don’t- I uh, have to go uh… Bimbus! He’s locked outside, I gotta go let him in”.

Sykkuno dashed out the door in a frenzy, ignoring Jack’s hoot of “but he’s an outdoor dog Sykkunie!” eager get away from his personal nightmare that is humiliating himself during normal social interaction.

He barely had a chance to turn into the alleyway before a group of equally B-movie suited men surrounded him, effectively cutting off all escape routes. A finer dressed figure broke through the silence with a chilling laugh.

“Well, well. Who would’ve thought that the almighty Corpse Husband has a day job of being a barista? Wait till the underground hears of this.”

Sykkuno tensed at those words, putting on his best shit-eating face on before responding, “Oh Jesus! There must be a misunderstanding… I don’t know what you’re talking about, I promise! Why are you even here?”

An ugly scowl painted the face of the leader as he strutted closer, indignation starting to seep into his voice, “you tellin’ me you don’t know nothin’ about the name Inveni? The painful and humiliating ordeals you made me suffer through?”

“Um… no?”

“Tch. Don’t even bother playing the fool, we’ve heard from a reliable source that you’re Corpse Husband, top dog of the Bandit Casino. Mesmerizing voice, charisma, looks like straight out of anime, that’s all you. Well us boys got a bone to pick with you, after how you screwed us over during the last encounter. Not only did you sell out my organisation, you also left us with an entire country’s worth of broke gambling addicts and worthless nobodies looking for a fix.”

Sykkuno flinched at his recount but didn’t give, “you really thought _I_ could run an infamous casino as a cover for an illegal drug ring? You’re crazy!” Although the innocent tone of his voice didn’t quite match up to his facial expression, it was enough to plant that seed of doubt into some of the men.

But the leader wasn’t one to hesitate as a gun now blocked Sykkuno’s vision, he stilled, the reality of the situation dawned upon him.

“Listen here, I don’t believe you. And even if you spoke the truth, I honestly couldn’t give a fuck. One way or another I will exact revenge Corpse Husband and I will leave a carnage of bodies in my wake if I have to. Obviously you matter to him enough if you were the prime suspect so we’re taking out either way.”

Sykkuno clenched his eyes shut as he heard the cock of a gun, regretting that he ever followed the instructions, not giving Bingus an extra belly-scratch this morning, not being able to delete his history (he may not watch porn but it’s not that hard to find worse things on the internet… his fanfiction history was dark), and not telling Corpse he loved him one last time.

He waited for the fatal shot with bated breath, his last vision being that of a crooked-nosed gangster in some smelly alleyway at night, when the shot rang out followed by a body thumping to the ground.

The smell of gunpower and iron invaded his senses, followed by screams, shouts, letting it all out. Surprisingly, Sykkuno felt fine during the gunfight where one side mowed down the other. In fact he felt inexplicably light as he was caught in a warm embrace.

“Fuck baby, you’re not looking too good.”

The gravelly voice cleared his panic as he looked up only to see a purple mask stare back, the hint of an iridescent eye hidden beneath wavy bangs. Snuggling against his personal pillow he whined back extra pitifully, “Corpse? I’m fine, can we please go back home… and order pizza?” he even tried to make those puppy-dog eyes for extra brownie points (Sykkuno thinks it look cringey but it seems to work on Corpse so no one’s complaining).

“Heh, of course we can, been meaning to try out that vegan pizza anyway.” With a small hoist Sykkuno rested against the crook of Corpse’s neck and together they made their way out of the alleyway.

“WAIT!” A voice gurgled, resonating from the mortally wounded leader of that group as he bled out pitifully on the grimy floor, “who is he?”

With Sykkuno in one arm and a pistol in the other, Corpse sauntered up to him, resting the gun above the leader’s heart he replied, “Sykkuno’s my husband you fuckers”.

Omake:  
Sykkuno slumped next to Corpse in their car, hand in hand as Corpse drove them back home after a long day and a longer night.

“Couldn’t you have named yourself literally anything else? It’s like, the third time this month this happened”.

Corpse gave a hearty chuckle, “sorry I didn’t take my at-the-time non-existent husband into the equation whilst starting the organization babe. If I had known that I’d find you instead of spending the rest of my lonely existence single, maybe I could’ve named myself after something else”. He gave a soft peck to Sykkuno’s cheek.

“… I guess you can’t be held responsible when things get lost in translation and that people would go after _Corpse’s husband_ instead”. Sykkuno pouted (even though a smile was threatening to spill out), pink dusting his cheeks as he played with his wedding ring attached to the chain on his neck.

**Author's Note:**

> this idea came to me in on a sleepless night where I proceeded to type the whole thing over the course of the night heavily sleep deprived :3
> 
> Did I write a whole story just to deliver that one joke? Yes, yes I did. There were a lot of things I felt like I could've expanded upon but oh well. If you have any questions about my poorly set up au just ask.


End file.
